This week has been so exhausting. I'm not really sure what's going through my mind right now, but it's a lot of lies, a lot of guilt. I'm not really sure, I wish I could be superwoman, but that's not my job. God is Superman. He is the ONE that is capable of making everything go right.
I'm beginning to accept that I can't do everything that I want to do. I have to pick and choose.
I'm tired of school. I'm tired of papers being due every week. I'm tired of working at a job I dread everyday. I'm tired of feeling bad when I can't go babysit because my workload is killing me.
My body has gotten to the point that I can barely get up in the morning because I'm still so tired. I don't know what's going on, but it's a scary thing. Maybe things are getting to me more than I want to acknowledge. It was around this time last semester that I started to freak because I couldn't seem to get the rest I needed because I was constantly worrying about something and even if I took a sabbath I would still worry about what I needed to do.
I TRUST the Lord. I KNOW that he has control over everything. He is going to work the bad things into his favor. He is going to transform our lives in ways that we will never be able to understand. I know all of this.... but I'm tired.... I have strength. and I'm going to keep going, I'm going to fight this....
I love Mazvita. She is such a beautiful woman in my life. I'm praying that the doctors are able to reveal something that we can do to help her get better. I'm praying that she continues to fight, that she is given the strength to endure this trial of hers. I'm praying for her relationship with Ben, as they work through this together. I'm praying that God continues to draw them near like He has been. Please continue praying for her. She is very much loved by many.
I'm learning a lot about myself through this. I'm learning a lot about how POWERFUL God is.... I'm learning a lot about Satan..... It's interesting....
Reading through Ecclesiastes:
So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun. -Ecclesiastes 8:15
Friday, April 9, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Oh, It's a Beautiful Morning.
I'm finally back in Columbia. Just went to Kaldi's to get a cup of my favorite coffee, and to journal.
As I started reading my Bible I just began to feel this wave of peace wash over me. God has definitely blessed this day. I have definitely been struggling with the lies that I am worthless, no one wants me. No one loves me. Well, even if no one loves me, I do have one Man that loves me. He is my Father. :) hehe..
It's such a beautiful day. The trees are beginning to bloom. The flowers are so pretty! Spring Colors are beginning to show, and it's fantastic! God has blessed us with a beautiful creation. I hope to continue to acknowledge it. :) It's so bright and lively! :) Let's Dance?
As I started reading my Bible I just began to feel this wave of peace wash over me. God has definitely blessed this day. I have definitely been struggling with the lies that I am worthless, no one wants me. No one loves me. Well, even if no one loves me, I do have one Man that loves me. He is my Father. :) hehe..
It's such a beautiful day. The trees are beginning to bloom. The flowers are so pretty! Spring Colors are beginning to show, and it's fantastic! God has blessed us with a beautiful creation. I hope to continue to acknowledge it. :) It's so bright and lively! :) Let's Dance?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
I observe everything going on under the sun, and really, it is all meaningless -- like chasing the wind. -Ecclesiastes 1:14
I just currently spent an hour and a half reading the first chapter of Ecclesiastes and oh my goodness I have not felt this refreshed in such a long time. I am currently in our sun room, with a window open, listening to the birds chirping, wind chimes dinging, the sun on my back,wind blowing in my hair, Jody's dog laying on the floor next to me, George laying in her weird box thing taking a nap, and it's so beautiful. So relaxing. It's amazing how God's creation can make me feel so at peace. :) It's amazing how God provided me with this peaceful time to reflect.
I have so much I want to share!! It's awesome!
From reading just one chapter Ecclesiastes I have gotten that I cannot find true happiness in my accomplishments, in whatever I achieve, in the money I earn, in the material possessions I own, in my good grades. It will only bring temporal happiness, not eternal happiness.
"I observe everything going on under the sun, and really it is all meaningless -- like chasing the wind." -Ecclesiastes 1:14
We can only find true happiness in God. Our accomplishments mean nothing in the end, and sometimes; they fail us. It is like chasing the wind. Let's say we get good grades, then one day we get a bad grade on a test that lowers our overall grade for the semester significantly. Maybe it was due to laziness, or being sick, or maybe we have just had a rough semester, maybe a grandparent died or our parents are in the middle of getting a divorce. Whatever may have happened we tend to attribute it to our self worth. Oh I should have tried harder. Oh, I should not have let that get in the way of my schoolwork. Oh, I am such a lazy individual. Get rid of those lies!!
This can be applied to anything in your life, maybe you forgot to wash the dishes one day, or maybe you didn't do a homework assignment because you were helping a friend through a crisis. We are incapable of of doing everything at once, sometimes we have to choose what is more important, how we will serve God in the best way. Who cares if you didn't wash the dishes like you said? Something probably came up. You can do them next time. Who cares if you did badly on a test? Your friend needed you more.
You are worth so much more to God than any of these things combined! Getting all A's is not fruitful, the happiness receive from it is only temporary. God is great and He knows what He is doing. :) He has a plan. It's okay to seek knowledge and desire to get good grades. It's a great thing, it's a great feeling, a great accomplishment. But not seeing it through God's eyes doesn't give you the whole picture. What is really going on. You may perceive something as bad but through God's eyes it might result in something good and amazing and life changing. Keep an open heart to His plans for you. Don't question what He is doing in your life. Don't question His authority. He WILL bring you eternal happiness.
"What is wrong cannot be made right.
What is missing cannot be recovered."
-Ecclesiastes 1:15
We will never know all the answers to our questions about life, and why things happen to us, and why certain things are in our world. But God does know the answer, that's what makes Him this wonderful, intensely mysterious being. It's great. :) He knows why things happen. He knows what it's going to turn into. He knows what He is going to do through you. He knows how to make you happy. He just KNOWS. :) He is all knowing.
I enjoy my cup of coffee every morning, it is a privilege God has blessed me with. I don't depend on it. It's just a morning routine that give me time to just reflect and to relax.
I enjoy getting good grades, God gives me the focus I need, God helps me balance my life so I can do the things that are important to me and still manage to get good grades.
I am currently getting a C in a class. I have never been so happy to get a grade like that in my life! This class is changing my perspective on everything in my life. God is using this class to change me in ways that I will never know, or understand. I am learning so much! I am happy with that, I am happy knowing that God has a plan to use this knowledge that I am receiving to help me better understand people. I am happy knowing that I am trying my hardest, that God is okay with me doing this. I am happy knowing that God has a reason for this class being so freaking difficult. :) It is forcing me to think outside of my comfort zone, and it is great! :)
I enjoy caring for people, I enjoy being an encouragement, but I do not get my self worth from them. If someone doesn't thank me, who cares? I love hearing how I'm helping others but I don't hear it, At least I did something for them, I may not know what I did, but God does. He knows what He is doing through me, and He will reward me in the end. He will take care of me, He will bring me eternal happiness.
What is God doing in your life? How is He bringing you eternal happiness?
I went all over the place on this... haha. :) It may not make sense, and you may not agree with me. Maybe some of these things have nothing to do with Ecclesiastes and what Solomon was trying to say. But I found that I am happy with whatever God brings to me in my life. Even the most disappointing things will do something to change my life for the better. I may not see it in the moment but goodness, I am going to try my hardest to trust God with it. Trust that I will be happy in the end.
I am going to leave you with one verse that I absolutely LOVE from this Chapter.
"History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new. Sometimes people say, 'Here is something new.' But actually it is old; nothing is ever truly new." -Ecclesiastes 1:9-10
The End?? :)
I have so much I want to share!! It's awesome!
From reading just one chapter Ecclesiastes I have gotten that I cannot find true happiness in my accomplishments, in whatever I achieve, in the money I earn, in the material possessions I own, in my good grades. It will only bring temporal happiness, not eternal happiness.
"I observe everything going on under the sun, and really it is all meaningless -- like chasing the wind." -Ecclesiastes 1:14
We can only find true happiness in God. Our accomplishments mean nothing in the end, and sometimes; they fail us. It is like chasing the wind. Let's say we get good grades, then one day we get a bad grade on a test that lowers our overall grade for the semester significantly. Maybe it was due to laziness, or being sick, or maybe we have just had a rough semester, maybe a grandparent died or our parents are in the middle of getting a divorce. Whatever may have happened we tend to attribute it to our self worth. Oh I should have tried harder. Oh, I should not have let that get in the way of my schoolwork. Oh, I am such a lazy individual. Get rid of those lies!!
This can be applied to anything in your life, maybe you forgot to wash the dishes one day, or maybe you didn't do a homework assignment because you were helping a friend through a crisis. We are incapable of of doing everything at once, sometimes we have to choose what is more important, how we will serve God in the best way. Who cares if you didn't wash the dishes like you said? Something probably came up. You can do them next time. Who cares if you did badly on a test? Your friend needed you more.
You are worth so much more to God than any of these things combined! Getting all A's is not fruitful, the happiness receive from it is only temporary. God is great and He knows what He is doing. :) He has a plan. It's okay to seek knowledge and desire to get good grades. It's a great thing, it's a great feeling, a great accomplishment. But not seeing it through God's eyes doesn't give you the whole picture. What is really going on. You may perceive something as bad but through God's eyes it might result in something good and amazing and life changing. Keep an open heart to His plans for you. Don't question what He is doing in your life. Don't question His authority. He WILL bring you eternal happiness.
"What is wrong cannot be made right.
What is missing cannot be recovered."
-Ecclesiastes 1:15
We will never know all the answers to our questions about life, and why things happen to us, and why certain things are in our world. But God does know the answer, that's what makes Him this wonderful, intensely mysterious being. It's great. :) He knows why things happen. He knows what it's going to turn into. He knows what He is going to do through you. He knows how to make you happy. He just KNOWS. :) He is all knowing.
I enjoy my cup of coffee every morning, it is a privilege God has blessed me with. I don't depend on it. It's just a morning routine that give me time to just reflect and to relax.
I enjoy getting good grades, God gives me the focus I need, God helps me balance my life so I can do the things that are important to me and still manage to get good grades.
I am currently getting a C in a class. I have never been so happy to get a grade like that in my life! This class is changing my perspective on everything in my life. God is using this class to change me in ways that I will never know, or understand. I am learning so much! I am happy with that, I am happy knowing that God has a plan to use this knowledge that I am receiving to help me better understand people. I am happy knowing that I am trying my hardest, that God is okay with me doing this. I am happy knowing that God has a reason for this class being so freaking difficult. :) It is forcing me to think outside of my comfort zone, and it is great! :)
I enjoy caring for people, I enjoy being an encouragement, but I do not get my self worth from them. If someone doesn't thank me, who cares? I love hearing how I'm helping others but I don't hear it, At least I did something for them, I may not know what I did, but God does. He knows what He is doing through me, and He will reward me in the end. He will take care of me, He will bring me eternal happiness.
What is God doing in your life? How is He bringing you eternal happiness?
I went all over the place on this... haha. :) It may not make sense, and you may not agree with me. Maybe some of these things have nothing to do with Ecclesiastes and what Solomon was trying to say. But I found that I am happy with whatever God brings to me in my life. Even the most disappointing things will do something to change my life for the better. I may not see it in the moment but goodness, I am going to try my hardest to trust God with it. Trust that I will be happy in the end.
I am going to leave you with one verse that I absolutely LOVE from this Chapter.
"History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new. Sometimes people say, 'Here is something new.' But actually it is old; nothing is ever truly new." -Ecclesiastes 1:9-10
The End?? :)
Monday, March 29, 2010
The Cat Stole My Knitting Needle?
Home is definitely not a safe haven for me. Never really has been. I relax for a couple of days but then I go stir crazy. I'm tired of laying around doing nothing but reading/watching TV. I want to be reaching out to people, having conversations with them, working, being stressed to the max. Although I don't enjoy being stressed, it's something that I have become so accustomed to and just expect anymore.
I get so burned out that I eventually wear myself down to the point that I get sick. Which is frustrating but I've got to slow down at some point. Things are getting the best of me, like always when I go home. My past haunts me, all the feelings I ran away from come rushing back. It's really hard for me to find the strength in God.
The strange thing is, it's during these short stretch of times that I feel God's presence the most. He just speaks to me. Just knowing that He has something in store for me in the near future that all of this has a reason is so affirming. I don't know. :) I'm so lost and confused but yet, I feel pretty safe. Yeah, I feel safe.
I get so burned out that I eventually wear myself down to the point that I get sick. Which is frustrating but I've got to slow down at some point. Things are getting the best of me, like always when I go home. My past haunts me, all the feelings I ran away from come rushing back. It's really hard for me to find the strength in God.
The strange thing is, it's during these short stretch of times that I feel God's presence the most. He just speaks to me. Just knowing that He has something in store for me in the near future that all of this has a reason is so affirming. I don't know. :) I'm so lost and confused but yet, I feel pretty safe. Yeah, I feel safe.
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