Home is definitely not a safe haven for me. Never really has been. I relax for a couple of days but then I go stir crazy. I'm tired of laying around doing nothing but reading/watching TV. I want to be reaching out to people, having conversations with them, working, being stressed to the max. Although I don't enjoy being stressed, it's something that I have become so accustomed to and just expect anymore.
I get so burned out that I eventually wear myself down to the point that I get sick. Which is frustrating but I've got to slow down at some point. Things are getting the best of me, like always when I go home. My past haunts me, all the feelings I ran away from come rushing back. It's really hard for me to find the strength in God.
The strange thing is, it's during these short stretch of times that I feel God's presence the most. He just speaks to me. Just knowing that He has something in store for me in the near future that all of this has a reason is so affirming. I don't know. :) I'm so lost and confused but yet, I feel pretty safe. Yeah, I feel safe.
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